The first few months are the happiest stage of almost all relationships.
You feel sparks are everywhere and butterflies are in your tummy every time you think of him. You look forward to spending every moment together. You think you have found your soulmate and he could be the one you’ll grow old with.
Few years have passed and you assess your relationship.
What happened?
You feel like you’re lying next to a stranger. When you look at him, you don’t feel anything at all. You began to wonder how you’ve reached this point. When did you start growing cold with each other? When did you stop making effort to make this relationship work?
Every relationship has its ups and downs. If you feel that this is just a phase and that your relationship is worth saving for, read on to know what can you do to bring the spark and excitement back:
Communicate Your Concerns Effectively
There could be a number of reasons why your relationship has gone cold – trust issues, money issues, time, etc.
It’s time to have an open conversation with your partner and pour your hearts out. Let him know all the things that you don’t want in this relationship. Express all your frustrations and anger in an objective way.
If it’s your partner’s turn to speak, listen to him and put behind all judgements and prejudices. The purpose of this conversation is to settle all unsettled issues and understand each other’s point of view.
Go Out on a Date
If you’ve been living together for quite some time, everything turns into a boring routine. The excitement is gone because you’re stuck at the same routine every day.
Bring the excitement and fun back by scheduling a date night every week. If you have kids, ask a close friend or family member to look after the little ones while you and your partner rekindle your relationship.
You can even relive your first date by going to the same restaurant and wearing the same clothes that you wore. Maybe you would also bring back the same feeling that you felt the first time you see him walking in that door.
You can also plan a vacation trip with just the two of you. Book a reservation to an all-inclusive resort or if you have kids, consider bringing them along to a family-friendly resort. Experiencing new things on a new place together would perhaps make you fall in love with each other again.
Bring Down your Wall
We tend to put up a facade and create a wall when we feel that we’re about to get hurt. It’s a defense mechanism that we make to create an impression that we are strong and no one can hurt us. Everyone gets hurt from time to time – so don’t be ashamed or embarrassed.
Remove the distance that you’ve created by dropping your defense mechanism. It’s okay to be vulnerable and fragile sometimes, it just shows that you trust your partner this much that you’re willing to show your weak side.
Reestablish Intimacy
When you’ve become cold and distant with each other, you have also started to lose the physical intimacy.
Being intimate is a critical part in a relationship. It’s what set you apart from other relationships such as friendship, colleague, etc. Make an effort to connect physically with each other. Simple gestures such as stroking his back or his hair can make a good start.
Take a Break
Absence makes the heart grows fonder.
If being together makes you feel suffocated, it’s okay to take a break from each other. Take a few days that you won’t see each other. Take the time off to think your current relationship and what you can do to make it better.
You might even miss your partner and realize that you can’t live without each other. Being away from each other will make you realize the value of your relationship.
Reminisce the Good Times
When all you do is fight and throw hurtful words to each other, you tend to forget that he’s the same person that you went head over heels in love with.
Sometimes it just takes a visit to memory lane to bring back the feelings again. Instead of lingering on the bad things that happened to your relationship, focus on your good memories.
Remember the time that your partner had to catch the 3 o’clock flight just to be with you on your graduation day?
Remember the time when you went to this fancy dinner and ended up sneaking out because you both didn’t have money to pay your bill? Reminiscing your wonderful moments together will make you realize that you had good times and that these are worth fighting for.
Relationships are like plants. You have to take care of them every day for it to flourish. As long as your love for each other is strong and you both want to fight for this relationship, you’ll get through this phase.
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