8 WORST BACHELOR PAD MISTAKES

8 WORST BACHELOR PAD MISTAKESA bachelor is defined these days as ‘a man who is neither married nor cohabitating and who lives independently outside of his parents’ home or other institutional setting’. In the Victorian era, bachelor was used by upper class matchmakers to denote young men who were both unmarried and eligible for marriage.

I’m all in favour of eschewing heteronormative discussions, and I’m certain there are also on Earth a great many females that tick very many of the boxes we list as criteria for bachelorhood. So for the purposes of this list we’re going to loosely define a bachelor as somebody (commonly a young man, but not necessarily) who lives alone and has a dream of, at some point in the foreseeable future, bagging themselves a spouse. Does that sound fair enough?

Anyways from personal experience and anecdotal evidence I will describe herein eight of the most common faux pas and counterproductive lifestyle choices bachelors employ; things that, if you are guilty of them, are unlikely to help you on your mission to not die alone.

Let’s go- at number 8 we have:

NOVELTY CLOCK

8. NOVELTY CLOCK

I don’t know who novelty clocks are for. People who don’t want to be easily able to tell the time? I’ve seen a frightening amount of them; neon ones, giant ones, backwards ones, themed ones, and I’ve never been impressed. Except that magnet powered floating one, that guy does deserve a wedding.

7. DIRTY BATHROOM/KITCHEN

I’m not sure which is worse. And admittedly they are both wet rooms, therefore probably most easily dirtied. But if guests spot grimy plates piled up in the area you prepare food, or questionable stains knocking about near to the area they freshen up, things won’t be looking good for your chances.

6. BARON FRIDGE/CUPBOARDS

Good hosts lavish their visitors with comestibles and beverages. Bad hosts begrudgingly offer their last pot-noodle or some old biscuits, whilst secretly hoping they decline so that you’ll have some supper.

5. TASTELESS ART

This one is pretty bad even for attracting friends. I admire people who buy art at all to be fair; something intended only to provoke thought, but if the thought you art provokes is “What a pillock. He must have lost a bet” then really you need to re-evaluate.

GAME CENTRIC

4. GAME CENTRIC

If you want to tell courters that you wile away the hours making progress in a universe that has no physical worth in the real world, do clutter the walls and shelves with consoles and controllers.

3. NO BIN

Too common considering how simply it is rectified. Keep in mind I am counting a tiny tin bin overflowing with rubbish as no bin as well. I am also counting a permanent plastic bag on the kitchen door-handle, half-full with rotten fruit and other detritus. Just get a bin man, they cost about two pounds and they’ll save your guests from having to be aware of what you’ve been consuming for the past week or two.

2. TV CENTRIC

I’m not saying don’t have a TV, I’m just saying don’t point all the furniture at it, making it the only thing possible to pay attention to. It’s been called passé to show off giant TVs, so try and surround them with nice lamps or books; make it part of the setting. Great if you’ve got some quality home cinema speakers, simply sit a plant or objet d’art on top of them and hey presto instant feng shui.

PET CENTRIC

1. PET CENTRIC

Pro-tip: this one actually isn’t nice for guests of any context. Shedded hair everywhere, chewed up dog-toys and cushions everywhere, shedded hair everywhere, untended cat-litter trays, shedded hair everywhere! When you’re clearly already in a fairly committed relationship with your pet, and you seem more interesting in letter it have the run of the place than keeping your home sanitary, I do wonder why you’re in any doubt over the reasons you’re still a bachelor.

Editorial Team
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