The working day is always a grind, no matter who you are or where you work. With that in mind, here are some quotes from Quotery.com that will keep you laughing no matter what the day brings!
Waking up
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button. – Anonymous
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing. – Anonymous
At the office
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. – Charles Lamb
It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? – Ronald Reagan
To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential. – Anonymous
If you do a job too well, you’ll get stuck with it. – Anonymous
A filing cabinet is a place where you can lose things systematically. – T.H. Thompson
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams
If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research. – Wilson Mizner
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. – Jerome K. Jerome
Social Interaction
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. – Caskie Stinnett
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. – Marilyn Monroe
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. – Ronald Reagan
Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe. – Albert Einstein
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. – Greg King
Public Speaking and Presentations
According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Does that sound right? That means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. – Jerry Seinfeld
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. – George Jessel
Lunch Time
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson
Love and Marriage
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. – Lana Turner
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. – Ann Landers
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates
Miscellaneous
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’ – Anonymous
Robert Cordray
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